Lessons From The Dance Floor: Creating Deep Connection

Just moments ago I was trying to take a nap. In about an hour I am heading out to help lead a class in a lesson in Argentine Tango to a small group of tango addicts. I thought it would be nice to rest a bit after getting home from work. No, doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.

One of the wonderful aspects of tango and what I get to share in every lesson I teach is the idea of connection. I see connection everywhere. On the dance floor both in classes and dancing with a partner I get to share and be part of other people’s exploration of this potentially deep, intimate facet of life.

That is exciting and make sleep difficult at times. Tango is where one can experience many aspects of connection with another person. Whether it’s physical, emotional, musical, spiritual, and on and on the possibilities for sharing moments with your partner just keep expanding.

What Makes Connection Possible?

There are a few things I have learned in tango about connecting. They are true off the dance floor, too.

Showing Up

We have to show up not just physically but as our whole selves. If your mind is somewhere else other people will feel the distance. That distance will make connection more difficult. Showing up leads to the next point.


How vulnerable are you willing to be with others? Are you hiding your true feelings and emotions? Of course, Brene Brown is the go to person for learning more about vulnerability. You can watch her famous, funny talk here. I have seen it multiple times and will watch it many more.

If we show up hiding our true emotions people can feel that too.

Being at Ease

When we are at ease both physically and mentally we put other people at ease. Not being guarded allows all of us to drop our defensive protection more easily. This is very apparent when dancing with a partner. I can immediately feel tension in my partners. Often, I even pick out the underlying cause correctly.

Listening to Each Other

Listening. there are many levels of listening we can tap into with others. This is a quick list of connection points.

  • Physical
  • Verbal
  • Emotional
  • Energetic
  • Sexual
  • Spiritual

There are so many ways possibilities and nuances depending on the nature of your relationship with the other person. Learning to listen and pay attention is of course very important. Telling someone to listen better isn’t always that helpful. Something that often gets in the way of listening is our inner self being either distracted or protecting us in some manner. In other words our ego doing it’s job but maybe getting a little too much say in how things are going.


People have an inner drive to connect with other people. This desire for connection comes in many forms. Whether life partners, family, friends, activity partners, business, professional, really most everything a human does has some kind of connection with other people. How we show up to connect will impact the depth of those connections.

What is your experience with connecting? Do you have troubles with finding and creating connections with other people? Maybe some tips for making connections?

Okay, off to the tango lesson!

2 thoughts on “Lessons From The Dance Floor: Creating Deep Connection”

  1. As a lead, I feel I sometimes focus too much on showing up and not enough on listening. At my last dance I made a special effort to hear what my follow was saying with her dance, and it inspired me in ways I did not expect. Thank you for the reminder!

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